31 7 / 2014
My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms 23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed
you need less jesus
31 7 / 2014
"WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SLICE THEIR PALM TO GET BLOOD. do you know how many nerve endings are in your hand?!?! why don’t they ever cut the back of their arm or their leg or something omfg"
me everytime a character in a movie has to get a few drops of their blood for some ritual bullshit (via jtoday)
WHILE WE’RE AT IT, why do people try to cross those skinny bridges over lava/chasms/whatever by walking upright. IT’S CALLED CENTER OF GRAVITY. get on your hands and knees and crawl across that thing. HUG IT. SCOOT YOUR BUTT ACROSS. “but i look stupid!” lalalala but we’ll avoid that ~dramatic moment~ where you almost fall over and die because your damn fucking self wanted to look COOL
and stop yanking IV lines out of your arms the minute you wake up in the hospital
That is a broadsword, why are you fencing with it
There is a freaking door right there. Stop smashing through windows, damn it.
yes, mr. action hero, I am aware that running dramatically from the baddies at breakneck speed is important, but know what else is important? NOT GETTING SHOT. RUN IN A FUCKING ZIGZAG PATTERN ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THE MOOKS WERE NOT COACHED IN MARKSMANSHIP BY THE IMPERIAL STORMTROOPERS.
Oh, hey, you there, sneaky hero-type breaking into any place for any reason? WEAR SOME FUCKING GLOVES. They’re called fingerprints, dumbass. You have them and you’re putting them all over the fucking place.
If something really fucking huge is falling on you, don’t FUCKING RUN ALONG THE LENGTH JUST TAKE LIKE TWO FUCKING STEPS TO THE SIDE
For the love of god, if you’re driving, LOOK WHERE YOU’RE GOING! As romantic/dangerous/cool as this is, your mother would be very upset if she saw you doing this
31 7 / 2014
untapped aesthetic: surrealist jock
a varsity jacket but it has three arms and it’s melting
your football shoulder pads have grass growing out of them and they constantly hum
you shove nerds not into lockers, but into other planes of existence. your football is always singing, singing, singing. the astroturf changes colors beneath you, and whispers the name of every person you’ve ever loved.
30 7 / 2014
so--fucking--done said: Can you link me to one of your stories? :)
Bloodworth saga (compiled by user serpentar1us):
And finally a few other things:
Other blog with weekly-ish stories:
Novel (There are pirate versions of this. Knock yourself out if you find it.)
Found the pirated version!
If you’re into horror you should definitely check out his stuff! Stay away if you’re squeemish though. There is some violence.
29 7 / 2014
my self esteem has two levels
- im a worthless piece of shit who deserves no love
- bow down before me bitches i am your queen